pieces of my mind
Saturday, November 27, 2010
unwanted...
urghh ... hello world . i had finally managed to get back to my life now .
last two days , i made a big mistake . i knew it . i shouldn't have gone to that party . it makes me feel unwanted even more .
im such a loser . im such a loser in socializing , can't even help myself to be noticed instead of just being a wall to others .
im a loser in love , losing the guy i loved to my own bestfriend . they had'nt felt bad about me though . it is really as if i never existed in their lives . so all i can do is just watch from afar , hiding behind all the people who praised what a wonderful couple they would be , forgetting me . i don't want to be the revengeful ex who ruined the beautiful picture . i don't get it . im the one who's suffering , but why does it feels like i am the bad ex who tried to destroy everything ? can't believe they told everyone that im their BEST FRIEND . and only now you've noticed how i've suffered . and came up to me and said ; "i can't let you suffer just to watch us live happy as a couple" . IDIOT . only now have you NOTICED ? how much i've cried ? how much i've tried to forget you for the sake of you and her ? how much i've desperately going through all these fake loves to forget you ? you're such an IDIOT . stop lying and telling me that im important to you . it's all TOO LATE already . and since they both betrayed me , this one scores the most points .
im a loser in most of my life . i had a broken family , which is the fact that had made me into depression eternally . i had a hole in me that i know which could'nt be filled . and until now , it still won't heal . eventhough im home most of the times , it feels like i don't have a family at all . im tired of running away from my dad , because i don't want to see him . everytime i see him , that scar hurts even more . and the fact where my siblings don't get along like we used to makes me feel alone . i hate living like this . i kept praying that the pain will stop someday .
from the day i was born and till the day i drew my last breath , i will always be a LOSER .